These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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