My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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