proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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