God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
