I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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