we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
