Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
