I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
