I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
