I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
