Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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