I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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