put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
