How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
