my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
