i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
