i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
