We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
