i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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