I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
