True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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