this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
