grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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