bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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