i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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