Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
