I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
worst night to have a conscience
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
