in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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