That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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