Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
