So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Welp...herpes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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