And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just had sex bonerless
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
