Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
