just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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