dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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