I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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