If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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