This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
