SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
