It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
