I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
