man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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