I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
