You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
