Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
