Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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