I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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