I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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