1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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