i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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