i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
