Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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