I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
