Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
