someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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