And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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