we have pet lesbian snakes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
