forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
