I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
