Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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