You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
