your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
