So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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