I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
