ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
