Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That accounts for only three of the penises
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
