Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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