youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
