I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
