You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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