I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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